when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
