His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
