Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
