he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
