If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
