Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
