I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
