Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
