I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
