I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
