you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
