you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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