i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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