Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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