Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
