My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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