it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
