I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
