he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
