Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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