Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
