Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
