I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
