his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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