You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
