he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
