Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
