i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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