I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money