god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
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The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird