I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..