you suck at this game today
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's just like the Real World with babies
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..