very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched