Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian