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We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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