I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants