Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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