i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
