so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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