Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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