Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
