I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
