capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
