I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
