yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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