She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
