I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
