literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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