I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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