If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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