jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
