you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize