She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
