you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
