how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
