you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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