Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
