you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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