If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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