I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
