Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
