Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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