Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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