i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
