Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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