Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
