would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
