im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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