I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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