She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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