I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
