Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
