I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
