Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
