if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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